Episode 28: Nikola Tesla – The Father of the Future

Ladies and gentlemen... prepare to be electrified! 

In this episode we beam back to the 1800s to visit one of America's most enigmatic inventors, Nikola Tesla.  A key mission in his life was to harness the natural energy of the Earth, and generate limitless energy transmitted wirelessly across the world. It's estimated that 80% of technology we currently use was invented or conceptualized by Tesla. 

Join us as we unravel the tangled wires of Nikola Tesla's life, explore his many genius inventions, and further investigate the shocking mysteries which surround him to this day.

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Transcript

(Intro music)

DANA

Yeah, Star Wars…

MAYAN

It has a lot of futuristic sort of technology that maybe could one day exist.

DANA

Yes, that’s true. Like the hovercrafts they have and—

MAYAN

Lightsabers…

DANA

The force (makes buzzing noise)

MAYAN

Well, yeah.

DANA

That’s pretty much—

MAYAN

That’s kind of like magic.

DANA

It’s like telekinesis…

MAYAN

But the spaceships like you were saying, the hovercrafts—

DANA

The lightsabers.

MAYAN

Teleportation.

DANA

Yeah. But Star Wars, you got the bad guy who’s Darth Sidious, and he’s all about that electricity, he’s like (makes vibrating noise).

MAYAN

Yeah.

DANA

Kills people.

MAYAN

(Darth Sidious voice) Do it.

DANA

He’s sponsored by Nike, did you know?

MAYAN

I thought it was Mountain Dew. He’s probably sponsored by both, because I’m pretty sure they both employ underpaid people.

DANA

If you look closely in the movie, he’s wearing Nike Air Jordans, and he’s got a t-shirt that says ‘Just Do It’ underneath his robe.

MAYAN

He can run pretty fast. Do you think you would be good or bad in Star Wars?

DANA

It would completely depend on my upbringing. 

MAYAN

Well, I’m asking you based on your current upbringing.

DANA

Oh. I’d say I’d be good, but I think I would kind of be like the Han Solo type, where I’m for good but I’m kind of a rogue too.

MAYAN

Kind of sexy.

DANA

Kind of like fucking Jack Sparrow.

MAYAN

Then I guess that makes me Chewbacca (makes long Chewbacca sound)

(suspenseful music plays)

MAYAN

Hello people. Welcome back to another episode of Best Worst-Case Scenario podcast. This is Mayan over here.

DANA

This is Dana, over here.

MAYAN

And we’ve cooked you up a real nice dish.

DANA

Pile of shit.

MAYAN

We’re talking today about someone in the past. Someone known for their “geniusness”. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking about Nikola Tesla, the Father of the Future.

(futuristic techno music plays)

DANA

Nikola Tesla was one of America’s most prolific and ingenious inventors. Just as Thomas Edison is known for the lightbulb, and Albert Einstein the theory of relativity, Tesla was primarily known for his contribution to the design and implementation of the alternating current; an electricity supply system we still use today. In fact, it’s estimated that 80% of technology we currently use was invented or conceptualized by Tesla. A key mission in his life was to harness the natural energy of the earth and generate limitless cost-free energy, transmitted wirelessly across the world. Also, through his work, he may have discovered other secrets about energy and scientific phenomena, including extraterrestrial communication.

MAYAN

Did you say he harnessed extraterrestrials?

DANA

No! No, he didn’t harness them. 

MAYAN

What did you say about him, he harnessed what?

DANA

He harnessed the natural energy of the earth.

MAYAN

To talk to aliens.

DANA

No. To supply limitless energy across the world, which in his ideal world would be free.

MAYAN

Woah.

DANA

Yes. He should have won the Nobel Prize. But he didn’t.

MAYAN

So this guy had so many things under his belt.

DANA

I don’t know if he wore a belt.

MAYAN

That were amazing inventions. How smart do you think this guy was?

DANA

At least as smart as Einstein. 

MAYAN

As smart as us?

DANA

Einstein!

MAYAN

You think he was as smart as Einstein?

DANA

In a different way, yeah.

MAYAN

Like he knew where he lived.

DANA

I don’t know if he knew where he lived, but probably–hopefully. I would say so, because he had a crazy ability for visualization. Kind of like that show Psych, like everything he saw was burned into his brain. Like he could recall crazy shit.

MAYAN

That’s crazy.

DANA

Crazy shit. 

MAYAN

So he was born in 1856.

DANA

He was.

MAYAN

On July 9th through the 10th.

DANA

Yeah, yeah. Let’s rewind the clocks back to (rewinding tape sound effect) July 10th, 1856…

MAYAN

In Smiljan, part of the Austrian Empire that’s now in Croatia, the story is that he was born during a crazy lightning storm (thunder sound effect). Which is some crazy foreshadowing because he was so devoted to electricity and lightning. So how fitting that there was bolts of lightning coming around when he was born.

DANA

Yeah. That is true. And I think it was right around midnight actually when baby genius, Nikola Tesla, was born. 

MAYAN

Pretty auspicious if you ask me.

DANA

Yeah! And according to legend actually, on the night of his birth, lightning struck the house killing both his parents immediately. (Harry Potter music plays)

MAYAN

Wait, what?

DANA

Yeah. 

MAYAN

No.

DANA

But leaving only a scar on Nikola’s forehead…

MAYAN

What!? What bullshit is that man? I thought you were serious for a second and I was about to slap you upside the head.

DANA

Did you get the reference I just did there?

MAYAN

Yeah, I did.

DANA

Okay. A little scar—

MAYAN

Although you know Harry Potter wasn’t killed by lightning, right?

DANA

I know! But, you know how I meshed it… you just believed it because I said it that way.

MAYAN

I didn’t believe it, I believed you believed it. 

DANA

Well, that’s how it happened. According to actual family legend though, half-way through his birth, the midwife delivering him declared that the lightning was a bad omen. And she said, (high pitch voice) ‘This child will be a child of darkness!’ 

MAYAN

Wow. That was like straight from Muad’dib.

DANA

And which Tesla’s mother replied, (posh voice) ‘No. He will be a child of light.’ 

MAYAN

And that was also straight from the Dune books man. You could have played the audio for all of the characters, man. That was like a perfect Jessica and a perfect Fremen right there in one.

DANA

Yeah. 

MAYAN

So back to real stuff. His early years let’s get into that, ‘cause I know Nikola suffered from frequent illnesses. He was bedridden a lot of the time, and in one extreme case he was in bed for nine months.

DANA

(Old-timey accent) He was a weak boy… with a strong mind.

MAYAN

Okay Xavier. 

DANA

You have it!

MAYAN

He also suffered from bright flashes of light with hallucinations. 

DANA

What? Really?

MAYAN

Yeah. 

DANA

Wait, hallucinations of what?

MAYAN

I don’t know, it doesn’t say.

DANA

(mocking tone) It doesn’t say.

MAYAN

Doesn’t matter, they’re hallucinations they’re not real. 

DANA

How did the hallucinations happen?

MAYAN

I don’t know, I think he had some sort of thing, kind of like what you were saying earlier where he had this ability to imagine stuff. From my understanding he had a tough time, especially early on, of distinguishing real-life stuff from his hallucinations. And what he made up in his mind. 

DANA

Yeah. We’ll get into that a little bit later, ‘cause that talent of his of visualization actually was part of the reason why he was so successful as an inventor. 

MAYAN

Cliffhanger! (whoosh noise)

DANA

Yeah. He was born an ethnic Serb, with ancestors from western Serbia. His father was named Milutin Tesla. His father was a priest of the Eastern Orthodox Church, able to speak eleven to twelve languages. 

MAYAN

What a Chad, man.

DANA

And he was also known for his exceptional mathematics and memory.

MAYAN

Yeah, now you know why Tesla’s smart. It’s ‘cause his dad was a genius. 

DANA

Not exactly. His mother Duka Mandic—

MAYAN

Are we still talking about Star Wars? Or is this Tesla, Dana?

DANA

She hails from the Gungans, (Gungan accent) Oohsa! Ooh! Ahh! Meesa thinks, yeah… 
 No. She had an ability to make handicraft tools for various uses, such as a loom which supposedly she had never seen before.

MAYAN

That has something to do with sewing, right?

DANA

Yeah, actually weaving cloth, it’s a machine. 

MAYAN

(whispers) Wow.

DANA

She made this at home, and she created other mechanical appliances at home.

MAYAN

She’s like Violet Baudelaire, man.

DANA

Pretty much yeah. Like, it’s impressive because she never received formal education, and pretty much anything that she needed at home that she was like, ‘Okay, there’s gotta be a way to like streamline this’, she just created the invention to make it better.

MAYAN

So he had a genius dad who knew twelve to eleven languages, and then he had a fucking inventor genius mom? 

DANA

Yeah!

MAYAN

So of course he was a smart baby.

DANA

Yeah. Actually, in later years Nikola Tesla even credited his inventive and photographic memory to his mother’s genetics and influence.  

MAYAN

(Italian accent) It was’a my madre. 

DANA

(Italian accent) It was my mamma… He had genius parents. 

MAYAN

It sounds like it. So, the timeline… he was born 1856. In 1870, he studied physics and engineering at the Technical University at Graz. I’m saying that wrong, but…

DANA

Graz.

MAYAN

But he got there late, which means he—

DANA

Wait, what year was this?

MAYAN

1870.

DANA

Okay (crunching noise)

MAYAN

What are you fucking chewing on there, man? Goddamn! Did you get a mint while we’re doing a podcast?

DANA

(Italian accent) It’s just a little bit of ice!

MAYAN

What are you doing?

DANA

A little bit of ice, to cool this whiskey down.

MAYAN

Okay, well let me know when it’s done. 

DANA

It’s done.

MAYAN

Okay. So, he got there late which meant that he couldn’t—

DANA

He got to school late?

MAYAN

No, like to school in general. Which means that he couldn’t enroll, or he couldn’t get credits for his classes but he still went, which sounds like honestly the worst sort of deal you could get.

DANA

That really does.

MAYAN

Someone said you had to go to school…

DANA

What the fuck did he do in school if he wasn’t gettin’ credits?

MAYAN

Well, he learned! And that shows like, kind of Nikola Tesla’s character is, he was just curious about stuff. So, he just sat there in the back of the class taking notes, listening to his teachers talk, and becoming a genius… you know all those numbers and equations floating around in his little mind. 

DANA

Well, if we go back a little bit to even his high school years, he was seen as gifted. Apparently Tesla had the fuckin’ ability to perform integral calculus in his head, which has several rules and steps in it involved. I even watched a few videos on YouTube to try to understand it, and I was like ‘what the fuck’. 

MAYAN

And he could do it in his head. 

DANA

In his head. And it made his teachers suspicious he was cheating on tests. But he could just fucking do it. 

MAYAN

Mhm.

DANA

And I think that’s partly with his innate gift to visualize and keep it in his mind for years at a time. 

MAYAN

Yeah, and then it just got more and more pronounced because actually, even though he was really smart, he did have a rough time in school. Because he had a really strained relationship with his dad, Milutin. 

DANA

(serious voice) What kind of relationship?

MAYAN

A strained one. Because like you were saying, he was an arch priest of the Eastern Orthodox Church. (holy music plays) And actually, he wanted Tesla to become a priest. So, there was like a kind of disagreement between them about what Tesla would do with his life.

DANA

What exactly did Tesla want to do with his life?

MAYAN

He wanted to study engineering and—

DANA

Shock the shit out of people.

MAYAN

—science in general. But especially engineering.

DANA

He wanted to electrify the world. 

MAYAN

He did. And it only got worse, his relationship with his dad, it only got worse when he dropped out of school.

DANA

Picture Hot Rod guys, the movie.

MAYAN

He just wanted to kick his dad’s ass.

DANA

With Adam Sandberg.

MAYAN

That’s all he wanted.

DANA

Is it Andam–Adam, or Andy?

MAYAN

Andy Sandberg. 

DANA

‘Andam’…

MAYAN

Yeah man, maybe they need you to come up with names for the next Star Wars.

DANA

Someone’s gonna name their kid ‘Andam’, man.

MAYAN

So, he dropped out to gamble. And he lost all his money, and his father people thought from heartbreak of having his son be a—

DANA

Piece of shit.

MAYAN

—homeless guy!

DANA

(gangster voice) No job, no nothin’! What the fuck is he doin’?

MAYAN

…that his father died from heartbreak. (sad guitar)

DANA

That’s some heavy shit, and he wasn’t even able to beat his dad’s ass before he died.

MAYAN

And it’s kind of inspiring too, because it shows you that like, Tesla… even though he went on to do some crazy stuff, he’s not perfect. And, his past, you know dropping out of school to gamble, and the stuff he dealt with, he had a really tough time of it so it’s not like everything was easy for this guy. 

DANA

Yeah, and he wasn’t perfect. And it was kind of amplified by the fact that he felt kind of this pressure from his parents to be really successful. ‘Cause earlier in life, when he was five years old, he witnessed the death of his older brother, Dane, who was only twelve at the time. But he died in a tragic horse accident. 

MAYAN

Damn! Like a horse kicked him?

DANA

He fell off the horse and died somehow.

MAYAN

Woah.

DANA

Probably the horse stomped on him. 

MAYAN

Jeez.

DANA

But there were some rumors that Nikola had intentionally spooked the horse, not knowing that it would be a fatal repercussion there. Regardless, it put a lot of weight and tension on the Tesla family, ‘cause he had, aside from his brother, three other siblings and they were all girls. So, it was a pretty big family of geniuses. But it put a lot pressure on Nikola to achieve greatness because Dane was sort of considered a gifted child too, even more gifted than Nikola.  

MAYAN

He was the older one?

DANA

Yeah. Only seven years older. Imagine if Dane had survived, what he could have like… accomplished. But anyways, this pushed Tesla really far to do well in high school, and you know like his visualization, he was able to memorize shit and all that, and he was able to complete his four-year degree in three years. So, he was taking multiple tests that other kids weren’t taking, just so he could pass faster. 

MAYAN

He was the ‘Test-la’.

DANA

He was Test… oh! My god, that’s good! That’s the first pun, man.

MAYAN

It’s not good.

DANA

I love it. So, Nikola returned home to Smiljan, and in 1873 he pretty much immediately contracted cholera. Which, you know what cholera is?

MAYAN

You just shit your pants?

DANA

Pretty much.

MAYAN

That must be why he developed that machine, to get revenge on the world and make them shit their pants.

DANA

The ‘death ray’, the ‘poop ray 3000’.

MAYAN

But we’ll get to that later. So, he contracted cholera when he went home.

DANA

Yeah, which cholera symptoms are the rapid onset of diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting… which causes dehydration from fluids. And can cause erratic heartbeat and sunken eyes.

MAYAN

Pleasant.

DANA

Shriveled skin. Yeah, you pretty much fucking die from lack of fluids. So, he contracted cholera probably by drinking contaminated water. For nine months he was fucking stuck in bed, and he had multiple near-death experiences, which some people say that that contributed to his genius. That near-death experiences can have profound effects on the mind.

MAYAN

(African American accent) Yeah, ‘cause whatever don’t kill you make you stronger, man.

DANA

(Southern accent) That is right, son! Or stranger…
 But, during his bedridden experience for nine fucking months, Nikola’s father made a promise to send him to the best fucking engineering school or university.

MAYAN

(sad Italian music plays)

He was like, (Italian accent) ‘Papa… papa. I’m dying. My last wish is to go to engineering school.’ Then his dad’s like, ‘Okay, son’. And he’s like, ‘I’m feeling so much better, you know? I can probably leave tomorrow, like, let’s go.’

DANA

I think that’s what happened. He was just stuck in bed waiting for his father. He was like, playing chicken. 

MAYAN

Because it did work, and his dad was like, ‘Okay’. And, as soon as he made that decision he did get better.

DANA

Yeah, because before that he wanted him to still go enter into priesthood. (holy church music plays) And, his father’s promise may have helped motivate Tesla to overcome the illness, and continue on his path of inventions.

MAYAN

So, later down his path he was going to college. Eventually I think he started earning degrees for them.

DANA

I don’t know man.

MAYAN

Around the early 1880s—so this is quite a bit of time later—Tesla got a job working in telephony. 

DANA

What? That sounds like a phony fucking degree right there.

MAYAN

That’s good. He got a job for Continental Edison, which was the development application of telecommunication services for the purpose of electronic transmission of voice, facts, or data.

DANA

I wonder if that was owned by Thomas Edison…

MAYAN

No, I think it was. Yeah, because that would later provide an inroad for him when he came to America to get a job working directly with Edison. (mysterious classical music plays) The thing you have to keep in mind is that this time when Edison got involved in the new electric power industry, it was a time when people were making inventions and discoveries like all the time. So, when he got involved you also had in 1876, Scottish inventor, Alexander Graham Bell, patented the telephone.

DANA

Ring-ring bitch!

MAYAN

You had in 1877, American inventor, Thomas Edison, invented the phonography. 

DANA

He invented pornography!?

MAYAN

Phonography!

DANA

Thomas Edison! You rascal.

MAYAN

Which is the record player, or also the turntable. Now it sounds weird.

DANA

He was turning heads, that’s for sure. 

MAYAN

In 1878, the first electric street lighting in Paris, France. And that same year, the first hydroelectric plant in Cragside, England. 

DANA

‘Crackside’, England?

MAYAN

Cragside.

DANA

What do you think the people do there?

MAYAN

They do lotsa of crag, man.

DANA

Lotsa crack.

MAYAN

So yeah. It was a busy time.

DANA

Damn. Leaps forward in technology in a small amount of time.

MAYAN

Right.

DANA

It’s almost as if an alien came down and shared a bunch of blueprints with people.

MAYAN

He did that, for a couple years… for the Continental Edison. And then in 1884, he emigrated to the United States, and got a job working with Edison at Edison Machine Works, in New York City. (prestigious music plays)

DANA

He arrived in New York with just four cents in his pocket… Four cents in his pocket, calculations for a flying machine, and his own poems. But the two inventors were pretty much like oil and water in their approach to methods and backgrounds. So, it didn’t last too long… about six months he was at Machine Works before he quit. 

MAYAN

Yeah.

DANA

Most people speculate that it was because of a bonus or pay that was promised by Edison for fixing his DC currents, and it was never paid to him. So, he was like, ‘Fuck these people… I’m worth way more. I’m gonna go make my own AC.’

MAYAN

Yeah, he found the work to be soulless work. They wanted him to do what they wanted, but he had crazy ideas in his head, stuff that no one could even fathom. They’d shit their pants if they could know what he was thinking about.

DANA

He would make them shit their pants, literally. 

MAYAN

And so, he left and already in just that six months, he had developed contacts in business and got people interested in his work. From that point he was able to start making his own companies, start patenting his own inventions, and marketing them and selling them across the country. 

DANA

Yeah, it’s estimated that there was about 300 fucking patents that Nikola Tesla had throughout his life, and around 700 inventions. 

MAYAN

Wow…

DANA

Like, that’s insane. He was constantly inventing… while people were sleeping and getting married!

MAYAN

He had, as you were talking about, the AC induction motor unit, which let’s get into this for a second because—

DANA

I don’t want to. 

MAYAN

Edison was the DC guy. 

DANA

AC/DC, man. It’s based on Nikola Tesla!

MAYAN

The way Edison was marketing his invention of DC, he was the biggest name in the game, and a lot of people were sort of onboard with him. But then when Tesla found a way to transmit electrical currents much further with less power plants, and also to do it in a more efficient manner, it was kind of like there was a power struggle because they were fighting over who would be the person to pretty much light up the United States.

DANA

It was like the ‘Current Wars’, right? Didn’t it have an actual fucking title, or propaganda, or news coverage that it was the War of the Currents?

MAYAN

Yeah. And Edison had much more resources, so he even did campaigns where he’d like shock the shit out of dogs with AC current to prove that it was harmful or dangerous. 

DANA

That sounds a little farfetched.

MAYAN

I know, I never liked Edison.

DANA

That’s fucked up, man.

MAYAN

But eventually people were like, ‘Well, AC just makes much more sense. You have to do less power plants…’ and today this what our power grids are set up as, Tesla’s inventions.

DANA

AC currents. It’s insane that it’s still in use today and he fucking made this, or his idea for this manifested, in like the 1800s.

MAYAN

Yeah, get dunked on Edison.

DANA

Yeah! Swoosh!

MAYAN

So, he made that AC induction motor unit. He also did early X-ray imaging, he invented that.

DANA

Passing radioactive waves through the human body…

MAYAN

Right, which sounds really bad. And I think it is, but it also allows you to catch cancer and do a lot of other stuff.

DANA

It allows you to catch cancer while spotting the cancer.

MAYAN

He also made mechanical oscillators, or generators, and wirelessly controlled boats… which have never existed.  

DANA

Damn. Tesla was like the first person to send a transmission from his lab at Houston, New York, to a boat on the Hudson River, which was like 30 miles away.

MAYAN

Woah.

DANA

And people were like, ‘What the fuck is this magic? He’s bullshitting, I bet he’s paying the people on that boat to say, “Yeah, yeah… we got a transmission here.”’ 

MAYAN

Yeah, and that’s crazy because later on, he would receive a transmission from… Mars!

DANA

Oh my god, he did! (alien noise)

MAYAN

In 1901, Tesla made the claim that he was receiving radio communications from Mars. (suspenseful music plays) The story was printed by the press in an article from the Richmond Times, it was said, “…he sat there one evening, alone, his attention, exquisitely alive at that juncture, was arrested by a faint sound from the receiver — three fairy taps, one after the other, at a fixed interval.” And Tesla thought that meant that Mars or Venus or some other planet was communicating with him.  

DANA

Meanwhile, he picked up on somebody’s septic system. That is crazy though, that Nikola Tesla may have communicated or received transmission—may have been the first to receive transmission in our history from extraterrestrial phenomena. Maybe it wasn’t exactly aliens, but it could have been something like planetary. 

MAYAN

Yeah, it’s pretty cool. And then lastly, this one is a little bit controversial because there’s no hard evidence that he ever made it. The ‘Death Ray’ was something him and even other inventors were working on, and it was this particle generator that would beam stuff through solid objects and apparently, he said you could stop whole entire armies with this thing that could shoot super far.

DANA

It could make you like shit your pants in another country.

MAYAN

Well, not quite. But it’s interesting you say that, because for a while Tesla became really popular for his inventions.

DANA

Yes.

MAYAN

The wealthy and influential often came to his demonstrations. 

DANA

Mhm.

MAYAN

And he would exhibit his achievements there.

DANA

(old-timey voice) Yesh.

MAYAN

People said he had a certain showmanship in his lectures.

DANA

And he was even funny.

MAYAN

They said he was magnetic.

DANA

He was…

MAYAN

A little bit electric.

DANA

Quite magnetic. Electrifying on stage. Like, Mark Twain was actually a good friend of Nikola Tesla’s. 

MAYAN

What?

DANA

Believe it for fucking not, man. 

MAYAN

I don’t know, man…

DANA

You gotta believe it, because it’s fact. It actually goes back as far as 1874, when Nikola Tesla became a fugitive temporarily when he evaded the Austrio-Hungarian Army. And kind of lived in the woods for a little bit.

MAYAN

That’s when he met Huckleberry Fin.

DANA

Yeah. He went on the ‘Huckleberry Ferry’.

MAYAN

Did he get on his raft?

DANA

He got on his raft. And rode his raft all around. He evaded the Austrio-Hungarian Army by living in these mountains in Tomingaj. I don’t know if I’m pronouncing that right, but he lived in these mountains for about a year.

MAYAN

By himself, just eatin’ rabbits, cooking fires…

DANA

Yeah, yeah. It’s pretty fuckin’ cool, man. Because he basically avoided a mandatory three-year service by the military. He later said that for most of the term that he roamed in the mountains, he only had a hunter’s outfit and a bundle of books. And the contact with nature made him stronger in body and mind. But, during that time in the wilderness he read some books from Mark Twain. And so, fast-forwarding back to where we were at, he told Mark Twain how much his books and stories helped him, and apparently brought Mark Twain to tears.

MAYAN

Yeah, which doesn’t sound hard but—

DANA

Man tears!

MAYAN

But…

DANA

Those are hard tears.

MAYAN

I’m saying that for a reason. I’m not just being immature, like he actually did make Mark Twain shit his pants. 

DANA

What?

MAYAN

Well maybe not his pants. Almost. He had this machine that could… do that. I don’t think that was the purpose, but Mark Twain was the one who went on it, and the rest is history.

(skit starts)

(mischievous music plays)

DANA

(old-timey showman voice) Ladies and gentlemen! Step right up! Today you’ll witness my newest, latest, and greatest invention for humanity… Behold! (crowd gasps) Observe the beauty of the arcing electricity! (buzzing electric noise) And… yes?

MAYAN

(unintelligent voice) What’s it do?

DANA

(old-timey showman voice) An excellent question! What does this machine do? Well, it looks badass, am I right? And also, this machine has peculiar effects on the human body. Who here in this audience suffers from constipation? You, there! Young chap! You look to be constipated.

MAYAN

(unintelligent voice) Amazing! I haven’t pooped in a fortnight. 

DANA

(old-timey showman voice) Please sir, step right up onto this platform! I will now increase the machine’s output. (generator revving noise)

MAYAN

(unintelligent voice) Woah! I’m definitely feeling something. I feel a curious tingling in my stomach. It feels like… (diarrhea noise) (crowd gasps)

DANA

(old-timey showman voice) And voila! I have made a grown man soil himself with my superior intellect. (crowd applauses) Join the 20th century bowel movement!

(skit ends)

DANA

Ah ho ho ho! Ah ha ha ha! Yes, so Mark Twain may have pooped himself. Which is what Nikola Tesla wanted all this time, that’s why he created all this tech.

MAYAN

All of it?

DANA

‘Cause he actually hated Mark Twain, and that’s what fueled him to make all this tech, to eventually make this author poop his pants. But, back to the inventions. One of the most notable ones actually, was called the Wardenclyffe Tower (electricity noise), which was built over four years starting in 1901, and actually not finished in 1905. It was never completed because of funding, cut off by J.P. Morgan.

MAYAN

Wasn’t that in Colorado Springs?

DANA

It was. But the contract was, you know, building something for a certain purpose that would generate money. And he usually didn’t follow through with that.

MAYAN

He’d borrow money to do an experiment, and then he’d come back six months later and be like, ‘Hey I need more money.’

DANA

Yeah.

MAYAN

‘I’m doin’ my own thing now, but uh could you lend me just like another hundred grand, man.’

DANA

‘Yeah, I’ll have it done, I swear to god.’

MAYAN

‘Swear this is the last time.’

DANA

He like, burned a lot of bridges that way.

MAYAN

But what was Wardenclyffe?

DANA

It was basically this giant tower that was about 200 feet tall, wood-framed, had this 70-foot diameter dome at the top, 60-ton steel, and it was supposed to just generate kind of like the endless energy… harnessing the natural energy of the earth. And Tesla planned to use the tower to achieve what the scientific community thought to be impossible at the time. Global wireless communication!

MAYAN

Right.

DANA

Which, we kinda have now today. 

MAYAN

Wow.

DANA

Which is actually kind of based on Nikola Tesla’s system.

MAYAN

He had a system huh? And it worked?

DANA

I don’t think he had a system. 

MAYAN

No, but the story is really cool. The story is that, when he built this thing, he did this experiment where he transmitted electricity wirelessly and he had his assistant plant lightbulbs in the earth surrounding Wardenclyffe Tower. And I think it was really far away, like thousands of feet at least.

DANA

Two hundred lightbulbs. 

MAYAN

Yeah, and so the lightbulbs actually turned on. And we still don’t know how the hell he did that. So, thanks Nikola Tesla, or FBI for taking his notes. Dammit!

DANA

Yeah you fucking FBI, man. But, using the earth itself as a conductor, that was like his whole mission.

MAYAN

Right, because he said the earth was actually a huge electromagnetic generator pretty much. 

DANA

Yeah, I think he wanted to create a lot more light. He saw the earth as this like giant generator, and he just wanted to turn it on.

MAYAN

He wanted to turn it on. And that’s what he did.

DANA

Tesla, for the Wardenclyffe, he would later state that his plans were to eventually make Wardenclyffe a hub, like city, for a worldwide system of at least 30 wireless plants similar to Wardenclyffe that would connect the whole globe. 

MAYAN

Like nodes.

DANA

Yes. Exactly. Wardenclyffe’s an interesting invention that was never finished because of funding that was cut off by J.P. Morgan. 

MAYAN

Right. People say a few different things. Firs they say, well J.P. Morgan funded him for two years and Tesla was supposed to come up with some results in like six months, and he never did. And so, J.P. was like, ‘Fuck this I’m out’. But, the other people say that, well once J.P. Morgan figured out that Tesla intended to create a free source of electricity for everyone, J.P... I was gonna say J.P. Sears.

DANA

J.P. Sears. 

MAYAN

J.P. Morgan, was like, ‘There’s no money in that, so I’m not gonna invest’. And then he started actively investing in Tesla’s competitors, which Tesla had some major beef with a dude called Marconi. 

DANA

Yeah, he took the award and reputation for creating radio or something.

MAYAN

He took it a little bit further than Tesla, as far as radio waves.

DANA

Yeah he kept going. 

MAYAN

And he was credited with more stuff, and Tesla was real bitter. In fact, he tried to sue Marconi when he needed money, ‘cause Tesla always needed money.

DANA

There was also another investing company, I think called Westinghouse, or something along those lines. But, these people invested large amounts of money into Nikola Tesla, because they really believed in his tech.

MAYAN

And he was world-famous for being so smart. Like, everyone knew he was brilliant.

DANA

Yeah, and also so brilliant he was kind of mad. Like, what Nikola Tesla envisioned for the tower wasn’t complete, so he couldn’t test it. He couldn’t put the dome on the top, which is what was needed to send the signals in electrical—

MAYAN

To Martians!

DANA

To Martians, and have Mars attacks! But, some speculate that Tesla was inspired by the Egyptian Pyramids when he built Wardenclyffe Tower.

MAYAN

That’s what I heard, is that it had properties that were similar to pyramids at Giza. 

DANA

(Egyptian music plays)

The Great Pyramid of Giza, you might know, is the biggest pyramid. There’s supposedly sacred geometry and math behind it, but—

MAYAN

This is like an Ancient Aliens episode, man.

DANA

Yes. 

MAYAN

I love it. 

DANA

But I find it interesting—

MAYAN

Aliens.

DANA

It’s interesting that we supposedly didn’t know the pyramid didn’t have eight sides until 1940, when British Airforce pilot, Groves, accidentally discovered it and he took a photo. It has very subtle concave indentations that can only be seen from the sky. So, if you’re looking at it from the ground it’s got four sides. If you’re looking at it from the sky it’s got eight. Nikola Tesla built Wardenclyffe as an octagon, it has eight sides, and I think there could be something that’s either related to energy or some like, esoteric ideology.  

MAYAN

And Ancient Astronaut theorists think that he’s an alien himself.

DANA

They do. 

MAYAN

That he was put here.

DANA

He apparently has an elongated skull, too. Nikola Tesla. He does.

MAYAN

That is curious though, about the pyramid and the octagon with Wardenclyffe.

DANA

Isn’t it?

MAYAN

I also heard that there’s a river going underneath the pyramid, and he built Wardenclyffe atop a river as well. So, there’s something with that where I think it might help with the energy generation in some way. 

DANA

Yeah, he was really trying to replicate what the Egyptians made. Because Tesla basically believed that the pyramids were energy generators, capable of producing limitless energy. His theory was based—because the pyramids are made of conductive materials, which is granite, limestone, and could transmit energy. And I think they’ve actually even found like, copper pipes below it. It’s kind of weird.

MAYAN

It’s definitely not a tomb. They’ve kind of discounted that ‘cause, for the longest time they were like, ‘Well it was made as a tomb to some king.’

DANA

Yeah, or a big ole library. 

MAYAN

But it just doesn’t make sense.

DANA

Like, how long would it take you to find that book, son.

MAYAN

It makes way more sense that It’s a generator of some kind, with the shafts and the air vents, and the sort of generator-like power underneath it.

DANA

As “ancient astronaut theorists” speculate….

MAYAN

Aliens.

DANA

Suggest. I think actually if you watch some videos, there’s even some slight evidence that there were some high-charge blasts or explosions inside of the pyramid that caused burns. Permanent burns. 

MAYAN

Right. They thought it was just erosion and weathering.

DANA

It’s not.

MAYAN

But, you can’t make that. 

DANA

You gotta look at the “ancient astronaut theorists”, guys.

MAYAN

They’re onto something.

DANA

Yeah.

MAYAN

It’s curious—regardless—the similarities with Wardenclyffe and the Giza pyramids. And one thing about Tesla that I got to say too, is that he was known throughout his whole life as having a super crazy sleep schedule. It’s reported that he didn’t frequently sleep more than two hours a night. 

DANA

He must’ve been so fucking tired all the time.

MAYAN

Probably. That’s probably why he was so cranky. And when speaking about the thrill of inventing, Tesla said, “Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.”

DANA

Inventions?

MAYAN

Yeah. The thrill of making something. It makes you forget everything, including sleep. And even early on in his career, his teachers and colleagues were worried about him literally killing himself through overwork. But the thing is, (eerie lullaby music plays) Nikola Tesla’s sleep schedule actually isn’t anything new. Great inventors and artists in the past, people like Da Vinci, Salvador Dali, and even Albert Einstein, were known for not sleeping much. Instead, they would take short naps frequently throughout a 24-hour period. This might sound insane to the advice of today, you know, get your seven to eight hours. 

DANA

Sounds very insane.

MAYAN

But a schedule of many short sleeps throughout the day is thought to boost creativity, mental clarity, improve sleep efficiency, and also obviously you get more time in the day.

DANA

(old-timey accent) You hear that people? Stop going to sleep!

MAYAN

This concept is called ‘polyphasic sleep schedules’, and many people have adopted it as a way to get more shit done. Is it healthy, or sustainable? Probably not. This is not advice. Don’t skimp out on sleep, you know. Regardless, he was a really busy guy so I could see why he would want to skip sleep.

DANA

Yeah… Nikola Tesla was, in essence, an electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, a visionary futurist, and pretty much a wizard who raced against the clock to create inventions that continuously surged through his mind in vivid detail. (thoughtful piano plays) This visualization, it was like a superpower for him, claiming that he could envision entire machines inside and out, down to the angle of its screws. And that image could keep in his mind for years, until he was able to actually work on it. He was one of the few inventors who didn’t need that many notes or blueprints… paper. Like, he could just do it from his fucking mind. 

MAYAN

I heard he hated blueprints because he failed art class, so he really didn’t like those.

DANA

No. I bet he failed art class because he was too smart for art. But, despite his lifelong study and success, Tesla never won the Nobel Prize. He did, however, receive the Edison medal which he wasn’t super fond of, considering it was named after his competitor, Thomas Edison.

MAYAN

Yeah, I heard that when he was awarded that, he left the ceremony to go feed the pigeons. And they like, sent a search party after him, everyone was looking for him. Because he just didn’t give a shit about an award.

DANA

He cared more about pigeons.

MAYAN

Yeah, the secrets to the universe lie in pigeons… feeding pigeons.

DANA

It’s funny you say that ‘cause, that’s what he did for the last 10 years of his life, was talk to pigeons. What kind of car does an electrician drive?

MAYAN

Oh gosh. What?

DANA

A volts-wagon. Pretty good right.

MAYAN

Yeah. 

DANA

There’s a sweater I bought, but it was picking up static electricity. So I returned it to the store… They gave me another one, free of charge.

MAYAN

Wow.

DANA

Yeah, those are terrible.

MAYAN

Good. You’re done? Okay.

DANA

But yeah, Nikola Tesla, man. 

MAYAN

That quote though, many people know the quote, “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.” That quote that Tesla said way back in the day, I’m guessing around like…

DANA

Early 1900s maybe?

MAYAN

Probably early 1900s. It sounds like a hippie saying but, we now know with science and stuff that—I sound like Justin Long, with science and stuff—that energy makes up everything.

DANA

Electrolytes!

MAYAN

So, you might ask—you might be like, well if everything is energy, if I’m energy, if this banana’s energy… then what’s the difference between our energies? And the answer to that lies in vibration.

DANA

Frequency too. 

MAYAN

Right. So vibration is the periodic back-and-forth motion of particles, commonly resulting when almost any physical system is displaced from its equilibrium condition, and allowed to respond to the forces that tend to restore equilibrium. Or in a less weird way of saying, you could say at the atomic level, particles constantly move and it’s this movement that creates oscillating wave patterns. Depending on the composition, different substances will vibrate at different frequencies. So, I think Tesla was on the money when he said, everything is about frequency, energy, and vibration. 

DANA

He wasn’t quite on the money. He didn’t have any money. 

MAYAN

That’s true. 

DANA

Like, he knew the secrets to the universe except money. That’s interesting though everything you just said. Like, I think he understood some kind of fundamental law, whether it’s quantum physics, or electrical-related shit, he understood it but he couldn’t exactly unlock it. Or he didn’t know how to use it. And he was starting to try to tap into that with the Wardenclyffe Tower on a huge scale but, you know, it was shut down. It would be interesting if J.P. Morgan had backed him to the very end, like what today would look like. There’d be a bunch of fucking Nikola Tesla towers everywhere, and you don’t even need an outlet anymore, everything’s powered wirelessly. You got levitating cars, you got everything you think of the future is going on right now. 

MAYAN

And no energy bill. 

DANA

(whispers) Yeah, that would be sweet.

MAYAN

Mhmm.

DANA

It’s just a shame—not a shame, it’s just sad that his genius was sort of snuffed out by money. Financial success sort of stumped him. If he was like fucking Bruce Bane, Christian Bale…

MAYAN

Bruce Bane!?

DANA

Bruce Bane…

MAYAN

You combined Bane with Bruce Wayne. If they had a kid, if they got married. 

DANA

Bruce Bane… If he was like Bruce Wayne and had all the money in the world, I think today would look a lot different. 

MAYAN

And that hits on something. Let’s conclude Tesla’s story… what happened after he sort of got shutdown. So, he rose to fame pretty fast, he had all of these inventions, everyone thought he was the shit.

DANA

He was rollin’ in some dough.

MAYAN

In some borrowed dough.

DANA

That’s fucked up.

MAYAN

He built this Wardenclyffe tower, and then—

DANA

Not completely.

MAYAN

This is when he kind of sunk into madness. And you could say he was always mad, but this is when he became more of a recluse. He wasn’t delivering on his responsibilities that he had to get all of that money, and slowly his reputation went down. He became this more and more desperate dude who was writing letters to his lenders and being like, ‘YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME MONEY! PLEASE!’ 

DANA

Baaah! Wah!

MAYAN

‘I’m gonna build a death ray!’, you know. He would make all these crazy promises of things he would do, but he just never really delivered on them.

DANA

Yeah. It’s sad because some of these things he was claiming could’ve been true. But a lot of people just think he was making up shit to get money. 

MAYAN

Right.

DANA

Like, the death ray for the military.

MAYAN

Or the Martian stuff.

DANA

Yeah.

MAYAN

Or the fact that he could wiggle his toes and live to 145.

DANA

Well, that’s fucked up, man.

MAYAN

Who knows if that’s true.

DANA

Yeah, it sucks. He, he was burning bridges and feeding… pigeons, man.

MAYAN

Wow.

DANA

But for basically a decade leading up to—

MAYAN

You have a gift.

DANA

Leading up to his death, Nikola was more or less broke.  And became increasingly reclusive and eccentric, spending much of his time in his New York hotel, 3327, which he had moved into in 1933. He was known to feed pigeons off his balcony and in local parks, and even communicate with these birds. (pigeons cooing) But, you know, unfortunately due to his lack of funds and strained relationships, his vision of the future died with him on January 7th, 1943. (somber music plays) At the end of life, it’s reported that his research was confiscated by the FBI... or nazis. And it wasn’t until recent years that it’s been made public.

MAYAN

Right. Like, they said after they raided it—his apartment—and looked for all of his papers, that they didn’t find anything. But it’s like, that’s exactly what they would say if they found something. And so you have this guy, who’s a myth and a legend… 

DANA

And a pigeon feeder.

MAYAN

(somber music continues)

He was poor, you know. He was smart. He’s got all of these traits, and it’s really refreshing to see someone that not only can be so smart, but can go to such a deep, dark place. And to have all of these problems, like he obviously wasn’t good with money, and it’s unfortunate that you have this guy so smart, and he kind of shelters himself away. But at the same time, maybe it was his madness, his unhinged-ness, that allowed him to actually contemplate these things at a deeper level.

DANA

I think the lines got blurred between genius and madman, near the end there.

MAYAN

Or maybe they always were.

DANA

Woah. And there you have it. Nikola Tesla…

MAYAN

We just unraveled it.

DANA

We did. The secrets to the universe.

MAYAN

Yeah, we did what he couldn’t.

DANA

Yeah, my god, man. It is… it’s amazing, his story. He came from nothing, with four cents in his pocket, and died with nothing.

MAYAN

And ended with nothing. But he had a wild ride on the way there.

DANA

He may have died with not much in his pockets, but he contributed so much to the world, and what we have today…

MAYAN

Wow, man. That needs to be on a Hallmark card right there.

DANA

My god.

MAYAN

‘You might be poor as shit, but you’re smart as shit, too.’

DANA

He gave it his all. And it’s cool because he stayed within his character, he stayed true to what he wanted to experiment with. He didn’t like, fall to the whim of these giant corporations and investors, like J.P. Morgan. He kept doing what he wanted.

MAYAN

He had a straight spine.

DANA

A straight spine is more divine, man.

MAYAN

Alright, well before Dana breaks into another rap, this has been Mayan.

DANA

(bad British accent) And this is Dana, over here!

MAYAN

Thank you guys for tuning into this episode of Best Worst-Case Scenario podcast.

DANA

BWCS.

MAYAN

Where we have talked about the man who made the future. Not sold the future, that’s a David Bowie song isn’t it…

DANA

Yeah.

MAYAN

If you guys enjoyed the episode, make sure to ‘Like’ and ‘Subscribe’ if you’re watching on YouTube.

DANA

(bad British accent) Or if you’re listenin’ on Spotify, make sure to ‘Like’ and ‘Follow’ us, and also rating the show is a huge help.

MAYAN

And if you guys really enjoyed the show, consider checking out our Patreon, where you can become  a supporter of this podcast.

DANA

This madness. Yes! (old-timey voice) If this episode shocked you, or electrified you… follow us.

(outro music starts)

MAYAN

And if you guys have any topics or interesting things you want us to know about, or you just want to say ‘Hi’, you can reach out. We’d love to hear from you.

DANA

I’m going to sit at my computer until one of you emails me.

MAYAN

He will, he will... so you better do it.

DANA

I’ll wear diapers.

MAYAN

And we will see you guys in the next episode.

DANA

(old-timey voice) Fare thee well.

(outro music continues)