Välkommen to Glimmingehus, a medieval castle in the southernmost region of Sweden. From ghostly knights to deadly booby traps, you won't believe the stories behind these castle walls. Prepare to be transported to a world of foreign history and mystery.
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Välkommen to Glimmingehus, a medieval castle in the southernmost region of Sweden. From ghostly knights to deadly booby traps, you won't believe the stories behind these castle walls. Prepare to be transported to a world of foreign history and mystery.
-
Join the ghost hunt!
Like, subscribe, follow, stalk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bwcspodcast/
Patreon: http://patreon.com/bwcspodcast
Donate: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bwcspodcast
We appreciate your support and thanks for listening!
Glimmingehus Castle Episode Transcript
(Intro)
MAYAN
That’s money. But yeah dude. Getting you in that chair is like trying to get an alcoholic into an AA Meeting. You’re just so fucking elusive.
DANA
Yeah thank you.
MAYAN
I’m like he’s here finally. And then you get back up and I’m like goddammit!
DANA
I take it as a compliment. I’m hard to pin down.
MAYAN
You’re like Mothman.
DANA
I’m like a moth to the flame when it comes to alcohol. I just can’t stop myself.
MAYAN
Or anything but this podcast.
DANA
I just see booze and I’m fluttering around it and I just can’t stop.
MAYAN
He does. He’s doing it right now, people.
DANA
I fly around it until I die.
MAYAN
It’s very strange. But I should say Vällkommen to everyone.
DANA
Vällkommen?
MAYAN
Vällkommen till our episode because...
DANA
Vällkommen! What is that?
MAYAN
That’s welcome.
DANA
No way.
MAYAN
I know! It’s so unintuitive.
DANA
It’s cool.
MAYAN
That’s Swedish. And in Sweden there is this place.
DANA
Isn’t it ‘Sveeden’?
MAYAN
It’s Sverige is how they say it I believe.
DANA
Is the ‘W’ pronounced like a ‘V’? ‘Sveeden’.
MAYAN
No. No, it’s Sverige
DANA
Hmm ok.
MAYAN
Probably Swedish people already know of this place.
DANA
They better.
MAYAN
Because you know Sweden’s not like. There’s I think like 10 million people or so there.
DANA
Only 10 million?
MAYAN
Yeah isn’t that crazy?
DANA
Wow.
MAYAN
But most people living there probably know about this place. It’s everyone else who lives outside of Sweden that may have never heard of the Castle Glimmingehus.
DANA
Glimmingehus. And it sounds like gleaming house. Is that what that means?
MAYAN
You know I don’t know what it means.
DANA
Because I tried googling “gleaming house” and I didn’t find shit on Glimmingehus.
MAYAN
You googled wrong.
DANA
I typed in all kinds of things.
MAYAN
You ‘googed’ up.
DANA
I typed in “Gleaming house Sweden,” “Gleaming house Denmark,” “a castle that gleams,” “a haunted gleaming shiny house.”
MAYAN
Yeah it might just be the name of something. Like someone’s name and then “hus.” I don’t know.
DANA
Let’s get into the ‘hus.’
MAYAN
But it’s a castle of sorts.
DANA
Yeah it is. It’s a big-ass house castle.
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
Castle house. Castle World.
MAYAN
It’s located in the furthest south region of Sweden. So right at the southern tip.
DANA
Ooh. Right at the tip.
MAYAN
Right on the border of Denmark. In a county called Skåne I believe.
DANA
Skåne?
MAYAN
Skåne.
DANA
How do you spell that?
MAYAN
‘S’ ‘K’ ‘A’ with an ‘o’ thing above it. ‘N’ ‘E.’
DANA
Sounds like Scone Town. Like they got a lot of scones there.
MAYAN
No but you know what’s cool is Skåne has a coat of arms. And it’s a griffin wearing a crown and it has its tongue out going ‘OLOLOLOLOLOLOL.’
DANA
That just sounds like a turkey or chicken to me. Is that really how it sounds?
MAYAN
I don’t know but that’s what it looks like it’s doing.
DANA
So who has a crest?
MAYAN
Skåne the county.
DANA
The county ok. So their own county has a cool crest.
MAYAN
Yeah so the Glimmingehus building is actually widely considered the most well-preserved medieval castle in all of Scandinavia.
DANA
That’s true. I did read about that.
MAYAN
That’s probably what everyone knows about it.
DANA
It stood out a lot. It’s the best-preserved castle in all of Scandinavia.
MAYAN
Which is kind of funny because they tried to tear it down twice. So you guys must have some messed up castles if that’s your best, man.
DANA
And wars and shit. It’s crazy it’s still there. But yeah continue.
MAYAN
Yeah. So it was built in 1499. And at the time Skåne was under the control of Denmark.
DANA
Oh no.
MAYAN
So even though this is Sweden now we’re talking about, at the time of its history it was actually a Danish thing.
DANA
Yeah it was kind of right in between the two warring territories.
MAYAN
Yeah. And it was commissioned by a Danish fellow by the name of Jens Holgersen Ulfstand.
DANA
Oh my god. He sounds like a cool guy to hang around. I’m sure he’s got a big armchair.
MAYAN
Well he probably was cool because he was also a Danish Knight.
DANA
Wow. He just got cooler.
MAYAN
I know. Like riding around on his horse saving fair maidens.
DANA
So the knight in shining armor built himself a shiny house.
MAYAN
Well this is where it differs. On one of the sites that I looked up it said that he commissioned it. Which is typically you know, where you pay someone else to do it. Which is also backed up by the fact that a really famous artist, they believe, did some of the ornamentation on the doorways and arches.
DANA
He commissioned it. Which means forcing slaves to do it. Back in the day.
MAYAN
But another site said he built it. And when you look at the fact, you’re right, that they’re like noblemen then, they didn’t do shit, man. We know. So he moved into the castle with his family 5 years after it began being built.
DANA
Right. And around 1505-1506 I think is when the construction was completed.
MAYAN
Right.
DANA
And they could move in.
MAYAN
Exactly.
DANA
It took only 7 years to build his fucking house. God damn.
MAYAN
I know. Just a castle. And by all accounts he lived a very cushy life there.
DANA
Cushy?
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
It’s all stone in there.
MAYAN
You’ll see, man. It was a fucking pad there.
DANA
It was lavish.
MAYAN
It was crazy.
DANA
Wow.
MAYAN
So yeah he lived a pretty nice life there up until his death in 1523. But the castle itself. It wasn’t a traditional castle in terms of like a military fortress.
DANA
Oh really?
MAYAN
It was actually called a ‘stone house.’
DANA
Stoner house?
MAYAN
Stone house. That happened to be booby-trapped to the brim. To protect the inhabitants from inconveniences like peasant uprisings or foreign invaders.
DANA
Booby traps everywhere.
MAYAN
Everywhere. Do you want to hear about them?
DANA
Yeah.
MAYAN
They’re pretty gnarly, man.
DANA
I want to hear about all the ways I can die trying to steal this dude’s shit.
MAYAN
So first of all, the outer walls were 2.4 meters thick.
DANA
Wow so that’s like 7 and a half feet or something?
MAYAN
It’s thick, man.
DANA
Damn.
MAYAN
And also it had motes encircling it.
DANA
Motes and boats and waterfalls.
MAYAN
And the 4 stories that made it up actually reached 26 meters high. That’s about 85 feet approximately for ‘Muricans’ out there.
DANA
That’s tall.
MAYAN
It is.
DANA
That’s the tallest part of the building?
MAYAN
That’s pretty much the height of it. It’s 4 stories.
DANA
Jeez.
MAYAN
Yeah so as far as the booby traps.
DANA
Yeah let’s hear about them.
MAYAN
There were so many genius ways that the castle’s designers made it a terrible place to try to take. So for one there was only one entrance and it was super narrow. So think like 300.
DANA
So you couldn’t be a fat person if you wanted to visit them.
MAYAN
Yeah
DANA
You’d have to go around the back entrance where they let all the pigs in. Down below with all the cattle.
MAYAN
But that’s just it. There were no other entrances so if you wanted to take this place, you had to go through one hole.
DANA
That’s what she said.
MAYAN
You got to pay the troll toll if you want to get into the boy’s soul, Dana.
DANA
One hole.
MAYAN
Yeah so... gosh.
DANA
I’m gleaming.
MAYAN
And above the entrance is this super huge window with a hole in the floor that people could actually drop rocks, boiling stuff, or...
DANA
My poo!
MAYAN
Yeah so you could drop shit. Figuratively and literally from this window.
DANA
You could drop some bombs.
MAYAN
For people trying to get into the entrance.
DANA
You could really fuck them up.
MAYAN
But it gets deeper. So the stairs. Go ahead.
DANA
The question I have is this castle’s built like a fortress. Right?
MAYAN
Right.
DANA
Well it’s a castle. God damn. This house is built like a castle which is a fortress thing. And a family’s living there, right?
MAYAN
Right.
DANA
So is it like the Brady Bunch. Like they all got their stations and they’re ready to fucking kill people? Like it’s a major Home Alone movie. Everybody’s ready to fuck somebody up. If there’s an alert the dad yells a key word like ‘shang-alang-ding-dong'. And everybody gets to their stations and is ready to fuck up somebody with their little booby trap.
MAYAN
Yeah it’s exactly like Home Alone. 2 New York guys come there and they just get their shit rocked.
DANA
I would love to see Home Alone in that castle.
MAYAN
It would be fatal, man.
DANA
Oh my god.
MAYAN
And when it comes to the defenses the stairs might be one of the craziest things about it.
DANA
The stairs.
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
Is it a stairway to Heaven or Hell? Which one.
MAYAN
I would say the latter. So not only was there only one staircase connecting all the floors, but the staircase itself was built extremely narrow for the sole purpose of preventing someone from using their sword and shield together simultaneously.
DANA
So it was super narrow.
MAYAN
Yeah. So you couldn’t attack and block at the same time which would mean that if people were trying to storm up the staircase, they would have to choose. And if they were attacking it means they would be open to getting hit, and if they were blocking...
DANA
Well why not just charge up with your shield?
MAYAN
Because. That’s lame. That’s my answer.
DANA
That’s the only way you fucking do it, man! Have you ever seen a SWAT team take out a burglar’s house?
MAYAN
Yeah except this is the burglar.
DANA
And there’s only one staircase, right?
MAYAN
Exactly. But it gets deeper, man.
DANA
Deeper or steeper?
MAYAN
Both. So even crazier, the steps towards the top get bigger.
DANA
God that’s a tongue twister.
MAYAN
The steps towards the top get bigger to increase the physical strain of a fully armored attacker when climbing to the top. So the literal steps will be harder to climb towards the top.
DANA
No way.
MAYAN
There are even removable stones in the steps that you could chuck down at someone coming up.
DANA
Wait a second. Do you need to use these stairs anytime you like go to the bathroom? Or are they the way into the castle. Why do you use these stairs?
MAYAN
To get to the different floors. The way most stairs are used, man.
DANA
I’m just wondering because it sounds like a pain in the ass to have to use those stairs.
MAYAN
Well they probably had crazy calves who lived in this place.
DANA
Yeah like what the fuck. If you’re staying the night there for the first time and you got to use the bathroom, imagine walking down and up those stairs at night.
MAYAN
Well another point is that you’re not likely to have to go to the top. Because as I’ll get into later, the top was for storing grain. So a lot of the people lived on the second and probably like first floors. They might not have even went up to the top. But in addition to the stones you could remove and chuck at people, there were little openings called embrasures along the staircase that connected to inside rooms where people could attack intruders.
DANA
Embrasures.
MAYAN
So like little holes you could stick a sword out of. Or shoot someone walking by. Wait...
DANA
Stick a sword out of the hole. I’m gonna get ya!
MAYAN
Wait 1499. Did they have guns? I don’t think so.
DANA
No way. Not unless it’s Fable II or something.
MAYAN
Thanks, man. I’m glad you’re here. Keep me grounded in history.
DANA
Guns weren’t invented until you know, a hundred years ago.
MAYAN
Until Chuck Norris.
DANA
Until Chuck Norris got tired of killing people with rocks.
MAYAN
Exactly.
DANA
He invented a gun.
MAYAN
Man did we just make a new Chuck Norris joke. I think we did. So there were also tons of false entrances, fake doors, and narrow passages designed to confuse attackers. So whoever designed this thing was like the freaking Collector.
DANA
It sounds like fucking Liam Neeson designed it for his family.
MAYAN
Mhmm. But I got to say despite all of that dark stuff, Glimmingehus wasn’t just about killing people. It was actually a sick pad to have. Because the ground floor alone had a kitchen, brewery, bakery, wine cellar, store room, and even a central heating system for warm air.
DANA
You can find me at the brewery downstairs anytime.
MAYAN
You’re like I don’t care if it’s haunted. I’ll be there.
DANA
Can you imagine? This place has everything. You can go work in the granary up the stairs on the fourth floor. And then during break you can go down to the fucking bar.
MAYAN
I know I’ll find you in the brewery. Don’t lead us on, Dana.
DANA
I’ll be there spending all my money! Goddammit.
MAYAN
Yeah. and that’s just the first floor. The second floor was bedrooms and living rooms for the women and children. Plus a knight’s hall with a huge fireplace
DANA
Jesus.
MAYAN
And then the third floor was the armory where they kept the weapons.
DANA
This place was commissioned or paid for by a knight. Right?
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
That’s why it was so goddamn fortified. It’s a fucking military commander who’s like I want to build a house. That’s his house, a fucking castle fortress.
MAYAN
Right.
DANA
Goddamn that guy must’ve been loaded. I think that castle was the biggest thing around for miles and miles and miles. It’s location.
MAYAN
Really?
DANA
It made everything look like a piece of shit.
MAYAN
So everyone else was living in poverty. Living in little mud huts?
DANA
Yeah and they would just look out their window and see that big castle.
MAYAN
No wonder they needed all of this booby trap stuff.
DANA
Oh yeah that’s exactly part of why they put all the booby traps in there, was to defend from a peasant uprising. The workers, you know.
MAYAN
Those pesky peasants wanting food.
DANA
And better pay.
MAYAN
Gosh. They’re so annoying.
DANA
Tired of the long hours and no benefits.
MAYAN
Crush the peasants!
DANA
They’re just fucking seasonal workers, man. They get nothing.
MAYAN
(Bad Swedish accent) We just want some bread, please.
DANA
Yeah sucks. Sucks to be you know, back then. You know what rhymes with castle. Hassle. It was probably a hassle to build it. And live there.
MAYAN
Yeah. But I think it’d probably beat a mud hut.
DANA
Ok you got me. Sure, you win.
MAYAN
But what’s interesting is during a war in Skåne in 1676, King Charles of Sweden was worried Glimmingehus would be occupied by Danish troops. So he ordered it to be demolished and they tried to do it twice! But were unsuccessful because of how sturdily it was built.
DANA
They tried to destroy it twice?
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
The Swedish?
MAYAN
Mhmm.
DANA
And wasn’t it originally Swedish?
MAYAN
No. It was Danish.
DANA
So who was the knight guy. Was he Swedish?
MAYAN
He was Danish.
DANA
Oh. That’s weird.
MAYAN
But yeah they were unsuccessful, man. They should’ve started with the steps that came apart.
DANA
Yeah I saw. I read about that... or listened about that part. Listened about. Goddamit!
MAYAN
What did you do, man?
DANA
(Irish accent) I had a roundabout about it. And I heard that they took out most of the roof. That’s all they could muster. That’s all they could take out.
MAYAN
Was the roof?
DANA
The roof was mostly gone.
MAYAN
Man that’s like the least important part.
DANA
And all the walls were still standing.
MAYAN
Wow.
DANA
They just could not fucking destroy that thing.
MAYAN
C’mon King Charles. Pull it together.
DANA
Because that knight knew what he was doing. He had those commissioners. Or commission artists in there. Doing the work.
MAYAN
And then like later on. Or in more recent times from the 18th century onward, Glimmingehus has been a granary for the most part.
DANA
From 1900s?
MAYAN
18th Century onward. But in 1924 it was transferred to state ownership. So since then it’s been greatly restored.
DANA
Transferred to state ownership which means it’s boring now.
MAYAN
And that it’s like an artifact of the state. So there’s like guided tours.
DANA
Yeah it means you can go visit this boring state-owned place.
MAYAN
But why would you want to. That’s my question. What else about it makes Glimmingehus not just a castle, but something worth talking about.
DANA
Well. It could be haunted.
MAYAN
Could be or is definitely haunted?
DANA
Good question. Nobody knows except the people that work there.
MAYAN
What about the Laxton Ghost Hunters. Don’t they know?
DANA
The Laxative Ghost Hunters? Is that what you said.
MAYAN
Hey man I love their show. Dana didn’t mean it.
DANA
I know. They shit themselves every fucking episode though.
MAYAN
Dude they have balls of steel. They’ll go into like crazy creepy places. By themselves. I’d pee myself.
DANA
Yeah I’d shit myself. Laxative Ghost Hunters. No. They checked it out, you know. They talked to sort of the landlord guy who’s in charge of the grounds there. And had a chat with him.
MAYAN
He’s like (hillbilly accent), Yeah I mow the lawn. I see some ghosts every now and again.
DANA
(Hillbilly accent) Yeah it’s fucking haunted here. But I still work here.
MAYAN
(Hillbilly accent) I just see ‘em as I pull weeds, shining their ghost booties at me from the window. I just try not to look too much.
DANA
Wow. Round of applause for that. No there’s been some sightings of paranormal stuff there.
MAYAN
What kind?
DANA
There’s a ghost dog.
MAYAN
What! Like Frankenweenie?
DANA
Mhmm. And if you have a treat he’ll let you pet him. He prefers Snicker bars and Slim Jims.
MAYAN
Or leg bones.
DANA
Or your hand. No a ghost dog has been seen by multiple people. It’s a big black dog that roams the grounds at night.
MAYAN
A big black ghost dog?
DANA
Yeah.
MAYAN
Does he bark?
DANA
I think he just roams around.
MAYAN
Wow so he’s well-behaved. I wonder if he takes ghost shits in the yard that the groundskeeper has to clean up.
DANA
Well there’s probably a ghost pooper scooper guy to get them. Who’s not really paid to do it, but he has to or his family will get killed. We got 3 ladies...
MAYAN
Only 3?
DANA
3 Naked ladies. They’re often seen in 17th century dresses. Roaming the grounds and the castle.
MAYAN
Is that like a frilly dress?
DANA
I guess. I don’t know. Think probably Alice in Wonderland style.
MAYAN
Oh ok.
DANA
Proper and overly dressed. And a fucking hell to wear in the summer time.
MAYAN
Do they know who those might’ve been?
DANA
They don’t. Part of it is there’s not really any good records on the deaths there.
So it could be anybody.
MAYAN
What if the Danish guy had 3 wives. Think it could be that?
DANA
Maybe. Maybe it was his 3 daughters or something. Or a coven. A witch coven.
MAYAN
Oooh. Häxor.
DANA
(Scary witch laugh) Hehehehehehe.
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
There’s been a girl supposedly ‘moting’ around?
MAYAN
Moaning around?
DANA
No. Hanging around the mote. The mote area.
MAYAN
Why would you hang around there, man?
DANA
She’s usually seen around the mote with fog. Really creepy because she’s seen coming out of the fog, walking to the castle. In a blue dress. Multiple people have seen her.
MAYAN
Oh my gosh.
DANA
And there’s also an apparition of a knight. Which could potentially be...
MAYAN
That’s Jens! That’s our boy Jens, man.
DANA
What’s his name again?
MAYAN
Jens Holgersen Ulfstand.
DANA
‘Oof’. I’m just going to remember because it’s an ‘oof’ of a name.
MAYAN
So people see him? Is that why they know he wore black armor. Because they see his ghost?
DANA
No. They’re not sure it’s him but this knight is seen in the basement. Also known as the kitchen.
MAYAN
That’s creepy.
DANA
Seen wearing black armor. And sometimes you can hear a sword swinging through the air. Man if I hear that. Fuck. I would be running up those shitty fucking stairs. Tripping all over them.
MAYAN
Kicking stones down.
DANA
Like my thighs would be burning so hard. Because I’d be running up these steep-ass stairs that were designed to...
MAYAN
You just hear his metal clanking behind. (Old British Accent) Come back you rally... Goddammit. I can’t swear as a knight I’m sorry. I don’t know the words. So do they know who any of these other apparitions were?
DANA
Other than Laxton themselves. They appeared there.
MAYAN
Goddammit! We need a ghost census. We need to know who these ghosts are.
DANA
I think you and I need to fly over there and take a trip and investigate. Because Laxton just did a lax job on it.
MAYAN
What. Why?
DANA
I’m just ripping on Laxton because I want to. Because I don’t know. They did a fantastic job. And actually you might not know this. But they are the first ghost hunters to be allowed onto the premises. This is the first investigation in the history of the building.
MAYAN
Good on them.
DANA
The building finally made an exception for these guys to come in and investigate it. For one night.
MAYAN
They were like these Laxton boys mean business. Or maybe their sales for their tours were dipping, and they were like fuck we need to get people in here. How we’re we going to do it? Let’s have someone come in here and tell how many ghosts are here, that way we can drive up publicity and people will buy tickets.
DANA
Yeah probably. It’s actually really booming into a tourist destination is what the ‘landlordy’ guy said.
MAYAN
I heard that you get charged even if you want to walk around it. Outside.
DANA
Yeah. That’s probably true.
MAYAN
It’s pretty mesed up. It’s like...
DANA
Lax!
MAYAN
It’s like..
DANA
Lax! Sorry go ahead.
MAYAN
What are you saying? I was just going to say that’s like getting charged in the UK to use the bathroom. Like c’mon people! It’s the 21st century. It’s a human right to poo, man.
DANA
To poo. Yeah that’s pretty fucking stupid.
MAYAN
Like if you don’t have 5 pence you’re pooping your pants.
DANA
That’s good. Yeah like that homeless guy doesn’t have a dollar so he’s going to shit all over the fucking street.
MAYAN
Yeah! Do you want that? Instead of your 5 pence you want a shitty floor?
DANA
Instead of half a penny flush.
MAYAN
Man... UK’s got some issues.
DANA
Yeah.
MAYAN
I hope in Sweden your bathroom situation’s a little better.
DANA
Yeah it is interesting back to Lax with the facts, son.
MAYAN
Yeah. What happened in there? What did they find?
DANA
I don’t know. I think they grabbed each other.
MAYAN
No! They didn’t grab each other. I’ve seen some of their episodes I just don’t know if I’ve seen that one.
DANA
I know one of the guys wanted to be touched pretty badly.
MAYAN
No.
DANA
No he was talking about it in the beginning of the video. He was sitting in the back seat and he’s like yeah last time I was touched. I hope it happens this time.
MAYAN
He said that?
DANA
Yeah and they’re kind of laughing at him. He’s like I’m serious. I want to be touched.
MAYAN
Well hey, man. Sometimes you take what you can get. And if you want to be felt up by a ghost...
DANA
No judgement.
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
So the castle though. It’s interesting the sort of evolution of it. Like what it was used for from beginning to end. Because it started out as the knight’s... Mr. Oof.
MAYAN
Mr. Oof?
DANA
What’s his name?
MAYAN
He went from a cool Danish Knight to Mr. Oof.
DANA
I’m sorry. I’m probably going to have nightmares now. And he’s going to haunt me. What’s his name? Sir Knight Oof?
MAYAN
Sir Knight Oof Man. No it’s...
DANA
Jefferson?
MAYAN
No. Call him Jens if you’re on first name. But it’s Jens Holgersen Ulfstand. Not Mr. Oof Man.
DANA
I’m just going to call him Jens.
MAYAN
Yeah just keep it simple.
DANA
It’s just a mouthful. So he grew up in this structure that was the castle with his parents.
MAYAN
What? Wait wait. He built it into a castle but it was a building before? I didn’t know this.
DANA
Right. That he lived in with his family. Before it was a giant castle it was a sort of structure thing. But the archeologists or historians don’t know old the building was prior to the castle. So the castle was built onto an older building. Make sense?
MAYAN
Yeah. I’m with you.
DANA
So I’m going full Graham Hancock with this. (Bad British accent) I’m cocky this time.
MAYAN
Yeah bring it out.
DANA
(Bad British accent) Mainstream archeologists don’t agree with my ghost hunting abilities.
MAYAN
Hancock it up. What's up.
DANA
Basically the castle was built on an older building that’s origin isn’t known. So he grew up in this place and liked it and then turned it into a fucking mansion castle.
MAYAN
So you’re telling me that the history of the original building is largely unknown?
DANA
Yeah. Is even older. So there’s even older shit under the old shit.
MAYAN
Oh my gosh.
DANA
Ancient shit.
MAYAN
Is it a pyramid? Jeez.
DANA
Probably. I bet Graham Hancock’s trying to get in there right now but they won’t let him. Ohh burn. So after it was a castle thing it survived a war. It became like a garrison fortress or bunker thing for soldiers fighting in the war.
MAYAN
For Swedish and Danish troops?
DANA
Yeah they kind of shared it. Like they took turns capturing it. (British accent) It’s mine now. No it’s mine. And now it’s mine. Let’s just destroy it. Nobody will have it. And then after the war it turned mostly into a farmer’s granary. That’s where some of the ghost legends started. Well... let me go back a little bit.
MAYAN
Yeah go back.
DANA
So some of the ghost sightings you see are probably from random people dying, trying to build the damn thing.
MAYAN
Random people dying?
DANA
Trying to build the damn castle. Because back in the 17th century scaffolding was not safe. And they used a lot of scaffolding to build this thing. So you probably had workers dying, falling all the time.
MAYAN
Jeez. And they’re like (British accent) Another two today.
DANA
(British accent) Yeah hey Jimmy it’s your turn to go up there. Jeffry’s dead. There’s a new spot on the rack.
MAYAN
Yeah you see him? He’s a pancake over there.
DANA
We’ll give you a bonus if you make it til Saturday. So people probably died in the construction of the castle. People also died when the granary took over in the 18th century. The working conditions in there were pretty unsafe because people were carrying 200-pound sacks of grain up those stairs. By themselves.
MAYAN
Hey, man. I’d do it.
DANA
And if you fell down there’s a good chance you’d get fucked up. You got 200-pounds on your back and you’re climbing giant stairs with your full thighs?
MAYAN
I want to go there and see a ghost of a person just eating shit down the stairs.
DANA
Yeah I want to see Biggest Loser hosted in that building. See what happens.
MAYAN
I don’t know.
DANA
And then you got the war so there’s soldiers dead around there. It’s a melting pot of ghosts.
MAYAN
You know that brings up an interesting point though. Sweden and like Scandinavia in general. There have been a lot of wars and different people clashing. And history around that area.
DANA
Clashing and bashing.
MAYAN
So it really does make sense that the place could have hauntings from forever ago.
DANA
Right. Like some of the hauntings people are seeing aren’t from the castle days. It’s from before the castle days.
MAYAN
Yeah whatever those days were.
DANA
And before those days... Who knows. But yeah there’s also this funny legend. It’s not funny. I think it’s funny.
MAYAN
What is it?
DANA
It’s called the legend of the Wildman.
MAYAN
The Wildman? I like it already.
DANA
The legend of the Wildman Statue. It’s a standing statue downstairs. And actually the fucking laxative, Laxton Ghost Hunters went up to it and were kind of like...
MAYAN
Touching it?
DANA
Not touching it but trying to provoke it to do something. I think.
MAYAN
Prodding him? Like you’re not that wild. You’re just a man.
DANA
You ain’t wild. You fucking square boring piece of shit! You’re only made of stone.
MAYAN
So what does it look like. Is it literally a wild man? Like Robin Williams with a leaf on his head.
DANA
I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to tell but you can tell it’s a man statue. And I think parts of it are a little corroded. It’s there downstairs by the stairs.
MAYAN
Is it full-sized? Like the size of a man.
DANA
Yeah it’s even taller.
MAYAN
Ooh that’s creepy.
DANA
But supposedly the legend was if you were a worker carrying a sack of grain, and you said hello to the statue before you went up the stairs, you would get stronger. You would get a miracle boost of strength.
MAYAN
I’m going there right now, man.
DANA
Yeah. You’d be stronger and your ascending up would be ok. If you made fun of the statue. Kind of poked at him. Joked at him. Toked at him. Put a hat on him.
MAYAN
Spanked him.
DANA
If you did anything disrespectful you’d drop your sack.
MAYAN
Drop your sack?
DANA
You’d drop your sack and also the steps would magically get higher and higher, than they already were.
MAYAN
Like they already do?
DANA
They do but even worse. Like to where you can’t even make it up the step, it’s so tall. So it’s almost like Scrooge.
MAYAN
It sounds like these workers were really bored carrying grain up these stairs. And they just needed something. Just something to talk about.
DANA
I’m sure those legends come from the newbie too.
MAYAN
The what?
DANA
A newbie on the job. Like the supervisors are fucking with them. You got to say hello to that statue, Bobby or you will lose your load all over those stairs. And then they could like make pretend to have another worker make fun of it. And then pretend to trip on the stairs right in front of him. And be like see? Look at that, Bobby. Say hello to the statue every time. And then they could just chuckle every time he says hello.
MAYAN
Hallå.
DANA
Hallå. Please don’t hurt me.
MAYAN
Man I like that. The statue that gives you strength or fucks you up.
DANA
If you say hello.
MAYAN
That Wildman needs to raise his bar. Like he gives people super strength just for saying hello. Do you know who made that statue? Or how old it is?
DANA
No idea. I’m guessing it was there around the 17th century or before.
MAYAN
I kind of want to see a picture...
DANA
Of the Wildman?
MAYAN
The Wildman in Glimmingehus. Because I just have a feeling this is going to be disturbing. And you know what, I don’t see any pictures. Wait I see someone’s butt.
DANA
That’s it.
MAYAN
I see the butt of the Wildman. And he has got a booty on him.
DANA
I forgot to tell you it’s just an ass. It’s just a big ass.
MAYAN
It is! It’s just a big ass. Interesting.
DANA
Isn’t it?
MAYAN
Why does he have 3 legs?
DANA
He does not. You’re lying.
MAYAN
He’s got 3 legs.
DANA
No you’re lying. I got to look now because I don’t believe you.
MAYAN
Yeah. Another reason to...
DANA
To not visit Sweden. Because you’ll fucking get cursed on your way out of there if you don’t say hello.
MAYAN
Hey man, I’ll risk it for the super strength.
DANA
For the super strength? You’ll risk fighting a knight and a ghost girl, and 3 women and a ghost dog, man?
MAYAN
Yeah.
DANA
Plus booby traps?
MAYAN
I mean we’ve stepped into cursed circles in the UK.
DANA
Cursed circles. It just sounds like we hangout with the wrong crowd doesn’t it.
MAYAN
It does.
DANA
Like let’s end this bitch.
MAYAN
Hell yeah! So I think that’s a good spot to wrap it up. Unless you have any other paranormal stuff to add.
DANA
Are you asking me or? Do you guys have any more paranormal stuff?
MAYAN
Well if you guys do know of anything that we missed as far as paranormal aspects, that you or someone you know have experienced, or you just want to comment on how bad our Swedish accents were...
DANA
Yeah. I don’t even know if I tried mine. (Awful Swedish accent) ‘Sveedish.’ ‘Sveedish accenta.’ Ja...
MAYAN
Jaha?
DANA
Jaha.
MAYAN
Yeah now that we’ve offended you all, thanks for listening.
DANA
I can only hope that we offended you. But yeah thanks for listening. And if you guys have any paranormal stories or interests, leave it in the comments. Or send us a message and we can shit all over it. We can laxative all over that story and read it and research it, and deliver it right back to you in a full episode.
MAYAN
If it’s good.
DANA
If we like it. We got a pretty high bar.
MAYAN
Yeah so thank you guys for joining us on this episode of Best Worst-Case Scenario Podcast.
DANA
BWCS
MAYAN
This has been Mayan over here.
DANA
This is Dana. Always. Over here.
MAYAN
And we appreciate you. We will see you...
DANA
We will see you in the next episode.
MAYAN
God dag.
DANA
Cheerio.
(Outro)